Tuesday, May 28
My days are really starting to blur together.
The only thing that reminds me of what I ate are the sporadic things I write down in my journal. Yesterday I ate a bunch of bread. Another weakness of mine is freshly baked bread, among pizza and desserts lol! I also finished the last slice of pizza.
Ate a bunch other stuff throughout the day.
Wednesday, May 29
Tried to eat healthy. If I’m going to eat or binge… I might as well have nutritious food, right? All I’ve been eating lately is cookies and crackers.. nothing with nutritional value at all. No vitamins and no minerals.
Had a smoothie that I split with my sisters – made with 3 oranges, 2 bananas, and 1 avocado.
Then had two servings of a rather unhealthy salad (lettuce, grilled chicken, wonton strips & crunchy chow mein noodles, almonds, dressing) and two yogurts.
I spent the rest of the day snacking on a bunch of 100 calorie packs, fudge bars, and lots of pretzel sticks.
Had a rather large (but at least nutritious) dinner – string beans (stir fry with oil and garlic), leek, steamed fish, pork, taro.
The fact that I’m starting to forget the food I’m eating, and also the fact that I’m starting to care less and less about what I’m eating is a sign that I’m slipping.. I know how the cycle goes.
If I’m starting to forget what I’m eating it means I’m not paying attention to what I’m putting inside my body.. which means it’s probably not healthy food. I’d remember if I ate something healthy, but when it comes to junk food, I eat SO MUCH in quantity, that I probably unconsciously force myself to forget I ever ate it.
What calorie counting provides for me is a way to gauge and make sure I’m not overdoing it…and in all honesty, it’s reassuring for me. It shows that I’m conscious about what I’m putting in my body and being aware of that also reassures me.
Anyhow, my mom says it’s about time that I make an appointment to see my doctor soon for a routine check up… to be honest, that is an even bigger motivator to lose weight than seeing my fiance. I know my fiance will find me perfect just the way I am, so really it’s not that big of a deal to me that I won’t be at my goal weight when I see him on Friday.
The doctor’s on the other hand… that’s where it all started. I was ten or eleven when my doctor said I was overweight, and that’s when the “dieting” began… By the time I had my next check-up (within a year) I had lost the weight and they praised me about it. From then on, it was never the same.